Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
