$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
