its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
