She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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