There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
