lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
