So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
