the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are a genius and a whore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize