new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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