Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
