Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So here I am, sexting at work.
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