i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
