i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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