i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
