so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
