When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize