and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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