shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
