i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
