Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
