alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
