I accidentally burped into my bong.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
