we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
