Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
