Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
