someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
