im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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