what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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