I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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