i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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