I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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