she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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