oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
