So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
