addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
