Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
