She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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