i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
