I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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