He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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