I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
