We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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