So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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