remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
