..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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