And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
