You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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