It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
