ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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