she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
