Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize