Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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