someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
