she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
do nipples grow back?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
