are you still at the devil's house?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
