i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
