Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
please come you make the beer taste better
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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