I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
