I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
