I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
