I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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