I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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