I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
