I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
