You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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