I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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