I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
